You like the attention this gives you.
I'm assuming the miscommunication came because you were drunk last night. But that doesn't really change anything.What you said was still incredibly hurtful.
I hesitate getting vulnerable with you. Because you don't value how hard that is for me. And last night, I let myself get and you made my response about you.
You have no idea how much I struggle with self worth. And I was in a situation for a very long time where I was told, I was constantly not good enough. Especially when it came to sex.
And I was sharing a very tiny piece of that with you when you made it about you wanting to be a global diplomat. Which I completely do not understand i'm assuming that means you want to go fuck people internationally.Which more power to you. But you have this perception that I plan to be landlocked. I like to travel too I like to explore new places.There's so many things about me.You don't know. So whatever that was about, it was weird. And again, you made something that was about me.And my vulnerability about you.
I don't know what I did to make. You hate me so much or to make you feel the need to cut me down as often as you do. But it's incredibly hurtful, and you never apologize to me at the time, but instead, always look for ways to make it my fault. You weaponized my kindness and empathy.
I wasn't looking for you to feel sorry for me because I got hurt.The would have been nice if you had at least feigned concern. I brought your sister up because I know how she passed away. And maybe hearing about a girl you've been intimate with getting into a similar accident might be triggering, and that was the only reason why I brought it up and said that was too much for you. I could change the subject. I was looking out for you. But somehow you turn that into me, being the type of person I would absolutely loathe.
But if you felt like, that's what I was doing at the time.The time to bring that up with me was at that moment.And not when I was explaining to you how you were hurting my feelings. It was completely deflecting from the situation and avoiding accountability.
Honestly, I don't know when I'm more offended by the fact that you think I would weaponize something traumatic in your life for my own benefit, or the fact that she completely ignored, that I was being vulnerable with you. And weaponized another situation against me.
I have been incredibly understanding, accommodating and kind to you. You have no idea how much I value you being honest with me about some of your preferences. And your own insecurities. I have my own thoughts about what is going on. But that's another conversation for another day.Maybe. but attacking someone who genuinely cares about you. It's just shitty.
Why are you so mean to me? But so deferential, to other females, you had that girl you sent money to while you were mid argument with me. In November, were you paying her for sex? What the hell was going on there? And do you not understand why I'm so guarded with you? I'm not judging you, but if you expect me to share my body with you, I need to make sure you're not putting my own health at risk. We're not in a committed relationship. You can stick your Dick in a trash can. If you want to I don't care. But if you plan on sticking it in me, I need to make sure you're at least putting it in a clean trash can.
But frankly you don't deserve me. You've yet to treat me the way I deserve to be treated. And I don't know why you hate me so much or what I did to piss you off to make you treat me so poorly.
I honestly don't understand you one night. You're asking me to come live with you because of my roommate situation. The next you're telling me how my sense of humor is stupid. Another minute you're telling me how you fantasize about me. All the time, then the next?You're telling me how I did something that turned you off. It's just as never-ending loop where you never apologize to me unless you're drunk.
And again, this is not about a romantic relationship of any sort. This is about you treating me with the respect. Empathy and kindness that I deserve that. I extend to you daily. I don't know what your romantic relationship history is but assuming it hasn't been all that meaningful, and maybe it's because of things like this.
Also, i'm pretty sure your bi sexual and you just won't acknowledge it. I wish you would understand that it's okay to be you. And that you wouldn't punish me for trying to be kind.
If you ever find the ability to apologize to me and to just be kind and open and honest, you know how to find me.
